Ancient Monks & Modern Exhaustion

Okay happy Thursday. We woke up at 6 AM (thrilling) & discovered our beloved street musician was no longer outside playing music 💔 devastating honestly. Today’s mission: somehow get from Athens to Meteora via train station . . . to bus . . . to another bus . . . to monasteries floating in the sky. Simple enough.

We took the Greek subway successfully, which honestly deserves applause because at this point we operate entirely on vibes, screenshots, & blind confidence. We got to Larissa Station & were told our bus would be “clearly labeled.” It was not. Not even a little bit. But ours happened to be at the very front of the line which instantly made us feel like Bus #1 VIPs. Were we VIPs? No. But spiritually? Absolutely.

Knowing we had approximately 11 billion hours on this bus, Evan & I made the bold strategic decision to sit separately across the aisle in hopes of each getting two seats to ourselves for maximum road trip napping potential. Reader, this did not happen. Every single seat filled. Immediately. There was also some light pre-departure drama because multiple families discovered that if you arrive late to a fully booked bus, you may not get to sit together. A shocking revelation apparently. Still, we both secured window seats which honestly felt like a huge win. My giant headphones were ON & I mentally prepared for the inevitable bad hair day caused by aggressively leaning against bus windows for the next 10 hours.

Somewhere along the drive we stopped in Kamena Vourla which was genuinely beautiful. There was this giant mountain that looked straight out of Moana. Yes, I compare all beautiful mountains to Moana. That is who I am as a person. The bus stop was described as “exclusive” which feels generous because it was, at the end of the day, still a bus stop. But honestly? A very nice one.

After that we switched seats so we could sit together & Evan graciously let me keep the window seat. A few hours later we reached our lunch stop: TRAVEL SPOT METEORA™️ which sounds AI generated but okay. We had like 25 minutes to inhale food before being transferred onto yet another completely full bus.

Enter Maria. Obsessed with Maria immediately. Elite tour guide energy. Like if your favorite history professor, camp counselor, & motivational speaker became one person. She started explaining how Kalabaka actually has Turkish roots because the giant rock formations once acted as natural fortresses. Meanwhile I was staring out the window trying to process the fact that people voluntarily lived inside tiny caves carved into cliffs hundreds of feet in the air.

Like imagine being like “yes this rock hole will do.” The caves were originally home to hermits & monks around the 10th and 11th centuries. Some of them literally barely spoke & only came down from the mountains once a week. Which honestly sounds peaceful but also deeply inconvenient.

We drove through Kastraki, which means “small castle” in Greek, & learned that nobody is allowed to build homes taller than two stories because they don’t want anything blocking the view of Meteora. Which honestly? Respect.

At one point Maria pointed out St. George’s scarf cave where colorful scarves are hung after a miracle that supposedly happened during the Ottoman occupation. Professional climbers still scale the flat cliff every year to replace them which feels mildly unhinged but also very cool.

Then suddenly: WE HAVE ENTERED METEORA

Yes caps lock was necessary. And honestly? This place does not look real. The rock formations look like someone rendered them in CGI. Massive sandstone pillars shooting straight into the sky with monasteries balanced on top like God was playing Sims.

Maria explained the mythology too. Ancient Greeks believed the Titans were petrified by the Olympian gods after losing their battle for control. Which honestly tracks because some of these rocks genuinely look like frozen creatures. There was one shaped like an elephant. Another had caves used for monk isolation punishment which was basically medieval timeout except on the side of a cliff.

Naturally we then began climbing approximately 400 million stairs.

The first monastery we visited was Great Meteora, sitting dramatically on the second-highest rock in Meteora. Fun fact: the monasteries always built the church first & then the monastery around it.

Also there are apparently sketchy monk-only cable cars hanging off cliffs which personally I would not trust with my life but good for them. Spoiler alert: I did not actually go inside one of the monasteries because I was not dressed appropriately. But honestly? I wasn’t upset about it because I was busy wandering around outside taking photos, climbing stairs, admiring the views, & pretending I was in an indie movie. Plus I had already applied sunscreen & I believe once sunscreen is applied you are morally obligated to remain outdoors.

Side note: I got a photo with the monastery & now will be called Maya Monastery from now on. I asked Evan if he wanted a monastery-themed nickname too like Evan Evangelical but instead he informed me he’d prefer to be called Evan Erechtheion the North Side of the Acropolis. That is a personal choice. I support him on his journey. But it is a choice.

One of the coolest stories we learned was about Varlaam Monastery. Originally women weren’t allowed inside these monasteries at all. But years ago, a fire broke out & the monks became trapped. Women from the villages below carried buckets of water all the way up the mountain to save both the monastery & the monks.

So technically women earned their way in through sheer upper body strength & heroism. As they should.

Another insane fact: the monks spent 22 YEARS gathering materials to build one monastery because the Ottomans only gave them 30 days permission to actually construct it. So once approval finally happened, they built the entire thing in 20 days. Honestly that’s just project management.

Inside one monastery museum we watched this silent archival film about monastic life that apparently barely exists online anywhere. The whole aesthetic was very “ancient spiritual mountain men.” Respectfully, some of the paintings of monks looked either exactly like an old Jewish zaide or literally Jesus. There was no in between.

At another stop Maria casually mentioned that if a monk decides he no longer wants to be a monk, the leader of the monastery is blamed for it & publicly shamed. Which feels dramatic. We also learned that Game of Thrones used Meteora landscapes as inspiration after digitally removing the monasteries because filming there is prohibited since it’s considered holy land. Honestly understandable because if a dragon flew through here I probably would’ve believed it.

Then came the geology lesson.

Apparently this entire area used to be underwater millions of years ago. A giant earthquake split the mountains apart, the water drained toward the Aegean Sea, & eventually these insane sandstone pillars formed after the Ice Age. Nature was feeling particularly creative here.

Also Greece apparently ranks extremely high for car accidents because traffic laws are treated more like casual suggestions. So if you ever hear me say I’m renting a car here, know that I’ve lost my mind.

After hours of monasteries, mountains, stairs, monasteries again, more stairs, & me repeatedly saying “this cannot possibly be real,” we started the long journey back to Athens.

We stopped one final time at our “luxury” rest stop before driving the last few hours home.

And then (because the universe loves a plot twist) we arrived back in Athens at 10:30 PM only to discover the metro had shut down at 9:40 for construction.

So naturally we called a cab, dragged ourselves back to the hotel, & are now calling it a night because tomorrow we leave for our next adventure.

Which hopefully involves fewer stairs. But knowing us? Probably not.